Strong or Just Plain Stupid

Last night was round five of the Madison Aquathon series.  As luck would have it there were very strong winds blowing huge waves across our little lake.  I wouldn't normally make a big deal of swimming in such conditions, but another triathlete died this week after a swim in Lake Monona.  From what I can recall, this is the 4th in Wisconsin this year.

The first three occurred during races, and for whatever reason, didn't really bother me.  This one for some reason has.  She was on a training swim, not alone, but from experience I know that it's easy to get separated from those you are swimming with.  A couple guys in a boat noticed her struggling and went to help out.  Miraculously, rescue personnel were able to reestablish breathing and a heart rate and the story seemed to be heading for a better outcome.

For whatever reason she didn't make it, and the family made the decision to donate her organs.  Words really can't express how much this sucks.  I'm not even going to try.

Which brings us back to last night, our wonderful waves, and a race director who asked that only strong swimmers get in the water that night.  I've never considered myself a strong swimmer, but over the last year I've become much more comfortable in the water and I came to swim.  So I did.

The leg out was directly into the waves, this is where the serious doubts starting going through my head.  Why am I out here?  Why am I taking this risk?  I started thinking about my kids, wondering if it was all really worth it.

Just when I'd be ready to say fuck it and turn around that other voice would get into my head.  Quitting are you?  Time to give up?  Ultimately this voice won over and I pushed on.  Aside from a couple of coughing bouts from swallowing way to much water, I was never really uncomfortable out there.  It was just the doubts, and the situation I had voluntarily put myself in, and wondering if the risks were all really worth it.

I tend to look at things like this from a risk/reward perspective.  From a reward perspective, I'm now that much more comfortable in the water and should be able to handle anything the ironman swim throws at me.  But the risk, was it worth it, I don't know.  Logic tells me I'm probably better off in my wetsuit in the lake in those conditions than on my bike (or in a car) sharing a road with 20,000 commuters yakking on their cell phones, but big picture, I still don't know.

I also really don't know what the purpose of this post is, but I spent 23 minutes in the water last night with all this going through my head and needed to get it out.  For anyone keeping track, yes the swim did take me a good 4-5 minutes longer than typical.  Same story for my swimmer wife, and I'm guessing for the majority, it was rough out there.

Relatively speaking, the run portion was easy.  I broke my 5k PR by 20 seconds, although pace wise it was still a slower run than the 5-mile Point Bock Run back in March.  Other than Aquathon, I have not run any 5k's this year.  They hardly seem worth getting out of bed for.

Tomorrow is the annual Madison open water swim.  2.4 miles on the same course as Ironman, and in the same general location as the most recent drowning.  I'll be out there, not really sure what will be going through my head.  Ultimately I doubt it will impact me or keep me from racing, but it still makes you think. And I'll have plenty of time to do that tomorrow, as I'm following up the swim with a full course ride and a short run.  Last long training weekend.